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Pursuit of Happiness

Pursuit of Happiness

Trying to Find My Unicorn & Keep My Shit Together

In my world, unicorns can exist, I was devastated when I found out that people can’t walk on clouds like the Care Bears, I’m still a bit saddened yet I’m scared of heights so put those together…and the sun is seriously shining out of my extended array of goofy faces, exuberant way of talking and happy awkwardness. In lesser words…I’m a glass is always overfilled kinda gal. Yes, I understand that life is hard, life is not easy, life can be sad, life can be downright dirty and mean…I understand these things because I’ve lived them and have felt them deeply. But I still have this insane drive to be happy. To find the good amongst all of the crap that happens. My darling sisters are sometimes rather annoyed at this and my husband often asks me to be a little more calm as I start my day. They of course love me for who I am but sometimes need me to be a bit more…toned down. I start with this to give you a base to work from. A mindset of my mindset on the daily. *** And now we talk about the real-deal-with-after-baby-crazy-shit…or as most would say, the baby […]

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IVF & Infertility, Pursuit of Happiness

Twinning with Newborns

As a new mother of twins I’ve found some things to be true. Those of which I list here with the lightest of hearts, the sunniest of dispositions and so much love for my two little fellas. Enjoy! Victory is Mine! The biggest battles come in the dead of night but they also happen in the day. Every parent has a different defense but the logistics and sentiments are much the same. Sleep, sleep is the end game. It’s the beacon at the end of the battle, layden with a cozy bed, sweet dreams and the perfect pillow. The scene is mostly dark with a hint of light coming from a small corner of the room. It’s eerily quiet for a moment and then loud cries break through the silence and burst into the ears of the unassuming warrior. At first the sound stops them in their tracks, with a cringe and then they rush to grab their weapons for battle: two sleepsacks, two pairs of socks, two long-sleeved shirts, a Nose Frida and two bottles of freshly warmed milk! The battle cries become louder and louder as the warrior gathers their items, panic sets in and then scrambling, running, […]

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IVF & Infertility, Pursuit of Happiness

A Letter to My Boys

My Sweet Boys- There’s a saying that I’ve used before and it goes like this: “I love you more than you’ll ever know.” I was sitting in the airport just months before you were born, waiting for a plane to take your dad and I on our last trip together before you joined us. As people started to arrive for the flight, I watched as the children flocked to the play gym in the middle of the airport walkway, running around, squealing, trying out every part of it: the slide, the monkey bars, the stairs up to the “castle”, the toys at the long table next to it. I watched and smiled, rubbing my belly and thinking of you two. That’s when this phrase came to mind. I thought about it real hard, and about all of the things that I want to teach you boys, that I want to make sure that you know through and through. Then I decided to write you this letter. So that no matter what is going on in your life, no matter what obstacles you face, people you meet, places you discover, moments you create or choices you make, you will always have […]

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Pursuit of Happiness

Letting Go

New Years. It has always been a holiday that tugs at my heart and looms like a gray cloud over my otherwise sunny disposition. The reflection on the past year is consuming, was it a year that will be worth remembering? But when the calendar turns to January 1st I always make my resolutions, maybe as a way of coping with another year gone. Usually my resolutions are forgotten by February as life seems to sweep them away. This year though I will make it my daily mantra to focus on one and only one: letting go. It all started last year. It started with my consuming and almost debilitating fears going through In Vitro. It started with a conversation with my best friend. Every single step of IVF was calculated, was planned, was ridden with percentages of what could go right and what could go wrong. I couldn’t get my mind off the latter. So I shared this with Spencer and he single-handedly removed my blinders and opened my eyes. Spence and I came from very different backgrounds. He has faced more than a lifetime’s worth of adversity in his young life. Faced things that were completely out of […]

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Pursuit of Happiness

Thank You

I have a confession. I’m embarrassed to say that my thoughts about Veteran’s Day haven’t been much more than a few mental ‘thank yous’ as I would read through people’s posts on Facebook or saw an American Flag. I do tear up at the sound of someone singing the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ and I’ve smiled as I notice a Veteran wearing a hat that signifies the branch they served in, but never truly gave this day it’s due diligence. But this year, this year it’s different. All it took is two miracles. As these little guys grow inside my belly I can’t help but think about the world I’m bringing them into. Can’t help but think about the hopes and dreams that I have for them already. The places I want them to see, the things I want them to experience. To breath in the fresh air of the mountains, to taste the saltiness of the ocean, to hear the rushing rivers, to stand in the desert and feel the sun on their faces, to see the skyscrapers of our beautiful cities and the evergreens of the Pacific Northwest as they stand like giants. They will start their lives in […]

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